We look at one another with the expectation of being who we are supposed to be, of being better. We are more likely to talk about strength, resilience, success, and self-actualization than about shame, loneliness, exhaustion, confusion, or the need for support. Yet when I revisit my own writing, I see a common thread running through much of what remains unspoken: the right to feel emotions, pain, and shame; the right to have days when you simply cannot get out of bed; the right to grieve in your own way. The right to fall apart before piecing yourself back together into a renewed version of yourself—or not to be able to put yourself back together at all. All of this is about human vulnerability.
Here I have gathered articles that, at first glance, seem to be about very different things. Yet they all tell the same story: the story of how people try to cope with their own vulnerability. The right to feel more than just positive emotions. The right to be imperfect. The right to have boundaries, to need support, rest, your own pain, and your own path. The right, ultimately, to be a living human being.
When we feel shame, we try to protect ourselves from rejection. When we feel lonely, we seek connection and belonging. When we are exhausted, we try to restore our strength. When we encounter pain or loss, we search for ways to endure what cannot be changed. Our responses may differ, but their source is often the same: the desire to cope with what makes us fragile.
Зміст
Kindness
The world would be a very different place if, when looking at one another, we saw vulnerability first.
Recently, I was struck by a video of an armed student entering a classroom in an American school. A school staff member managed to wrestle a shotgun away from him, hand it to another adult, and then embrace the boy. Later it emerged that he had been going through a severe psychological crisis and had intended to harm himself. But what stayed with me was not the outcome of the story. It was the ability to recognize another person’s pain.
When that pain is hidden behind aggression, hostility, despair, or actions that inspire fear, our instinct is naturally to protect ourselves rather than to understand. And yet we almost never truly know what the person in front of us is going through. What losses they have endured. What they are struggling with. What they fear. What they are trying to protect themselves from. We see only the tip of the iceberg—words, reactions, decisions, actions. Everything else usually remains outside our field of vision.
We cannot always embrace someone who appears aggressive or dangerous. But perhaps we can at least remember that there is often more beneath the surface than what we see. Sometimes it is worth taking a step away from automatic judgment. Sometimes it is worth taking a step toward another person.
A few times in my life, I have been fortunate enough to meet people whose kindness seemed to dissolve insincerity, anger, and pain. It is a remarkable way of relating to others—and a rare one.
Collected texts
Here I have collected texts about emotions, inner conflicts, our relationships with ourselves and others, self-help, personal boundaries, psychotherapy, acceptance, and recovery after difficult periods of life. Some draw on psychological theories and research; others on books, observation, and personal experience. Above all, however, these are texts about real life in all its complexity. About how we grow, make mistakes, protect ourselves, look for support, learn to ask for help, and gradually find our own way of being in the world.
There are no universal answers here. Only an attempt to look more closely at human experience and understand it a little better. Vulnerability is not the opposite of strength—it is its source.
When You Feel Lonely
Loneliness does not always mean physical isolation. It can arise even in the middle of a crowd when we lack genuine connection, belonging, or understanding. Loneliness takes different forms depending on the kind of relationship that is missing. There is a level of loneliness that can easily be mistaken for depression.
I am convinced that the absence of community is humanity’s greatest problem. Vivek Murthy writes about this powerfully.
When It Hurts
Pain is often treated as an enemy that must be eliminated as quickly as possible. Yet it is often pain that becomes the catalyst for change, growth, and the re-evaluation of our lives.
We frequently deny people the right to feel pain: because someone else has it worse, because everyone suffers, because their pain is not the “right” kind of pain or comes from the “wrong” reasons. As if it should not hurt. But the truth is that it does.
When Shame or Guilt Takes Hold
Guilt helps us take responsibility for our actions. Shame often convinces us that the problem lies not in what we have done but in who we are. Learning to distinguish between these two emotions is essential for building a healthy relationship with ourselves and with the world.
When You Run Out of Strength
Exhaustion rarely arrives suddenly. It accumulates over years when we ignore our own needs for too long, trying to hold everything together at once or devoting too much attention to a single area of life.
When You Need to Protect Yourself
Healthy boundaries help us remain ourselves in relationships and stay connected to our own needs, values, and feelings.
When the Mind Is Trying to Help
Our minds are constantly looking for ways to protect us from pain, anxiety, and inner conflict. Sometimes those strategies help. Sometimes they begin to get in the way of living.
When You Want to Feel a Little Better
Not every difficulty requires an immediate solution. Sometimes it is enough to find a small source of support, take a single step, or care for yourself a little more gently.
When You Need Help
We do not have to face everything on our own. Sometimes the support of another person is the shortest path to change. But in a vulnerable state it’s extremely important to be careful with your choices.
