A baby needs boundaries. They need someone who can stand them and not break.
Alla Slotvinska “Playing Together or How to Cope with Child’s I-do-not-wants”
I’ve read a lot of parenting books. Now it’s rather a sport than a research. However, I am still looking for a brilliant, and with no doubt have some useful findings (the essencial list is here?).
What is the problem with most of parenting books? Too much ‘water’, theories, philosophy, or written in such a way that at the right moment you simply can’t recall what it was all about. This book is different. “Playing together” is a very practical guide written in an accessible language. This book easily penetrates, clarifies the situation, removes the grief from the tired parent’s shoulders, and helps to take the right course in raising a child and prepare in advance for any surprise. She got into my hands very timely, just in a moment of weakness – when I was thinking, how to deal with baby tantrum and myself during it. What strategy to choose not to lose a game in which such a the stakes are as high as forming a healthy personality?
The book looks at life through the eyes of a child: I am an individual, I wonder, I check and try, I learn things that you, adults, have been able to do for ages: eat, sleep, wash, co-live with others, feel and control your emotions, express yourself, be yourself . We don’t remember what the efforts have been made to achieve these elementary today skills, and we often take them for granted, we get annoyed when they are not immediately grasped by a child. Our most popular memories are about childhood traumas which often take a long time to work on in adulthood, but not about how we learned to hold a fork and brush our teeth.
The author of the book, Alla Slotvinska, wrote as an experienced psychologist, child psychotherapist, a person with experience as a psychologist in kindergarten and children’s psychological groups, as a mother and as a person who has been long and closely engaged in the relationship of the child and the parents. It clearly identifies problems, explains them, and sets out convenient and understandable solutions, based on the principle of non-violence.
I would advise reading this book when your child is about a year old (to keep it up-to-date and keep the information fresh) and will be still convenient untill your child turns three.
And in the course of reading such books, I always wonder: what age are we taking about? what age does it apply to? With this book there is no such thing, everything is somehow natural, consistent and clear. Maybe because the author took the real issues of real parents as the basis, surprisingly typical. You are not alone.
In the book you will find:
▪causes of child’s disobedience
▪how to set boundaries and why they are important
▪how to respond to baby tantrum
▪an alternative to shouting and punishment
▪ every day ready-to-use games.
I think that this book was very necessary for Ukraine, because it is a bridge between generations and ways of education, it is full of understanding of the situation. Read it, share it with your parents, husbands and friends, and I swear, it’s a big piece of the road to a healthy society.