Be like children.
Jesus Christ
It’s possible that our parents find our demands for something more than what we have already been given to be absurd, because they already broke so much away from the approach of their own parents while raising us. But history shows that we are becoming more delicate, and evolution requires continuation. Everything is going as it should. Until the end of the 17th century, the family didn’t perform an emotional function at all, and today our generation demands explanations, analysis of childhood traumas and empathy, we already know where legs grow from. Where did it come from and where do we go now?
The evolution of upbringing
The founder of psychohistory, Lloyd Demos, claims that the concept of childhood and the child as a specific member of the family began to be formed only in the middle of the 7th century. And until the 4th century, a child was generally considered a fly on a piece of lard? Infanticide was normal, because what to do with them if there is no money? Or – well, why does it squeal like it’s still alive? Or – oh, I got pregnant, what will people say.
Upbringing in 5-12th centuries
From the 5th to the 12th century, thanks to Christianity, murder became considered immoral, but children remained the objects of abuse: a spoon on the forehead, a ruler on the fingers, a stick on the ass. It was recognized that children have a soul, and in order not to pollute it, it is best to simply get rid of them: the monastery is at your service, long live discipline. If you don’t succeed in getting rid of them, the beatings will rush to help – anything, just not to spoil the child!
Upbringing in 14-17th centuries
In the 14th-17th centuries, physical punishment began to recede into the background. Now the child is a tabula rasa, what you make is what you get. Don’t ignore hitting them from time to time though.
Upbringing in 18-19th centuries
The beginning of the 18th and 19th centuries – a gradual departure from violence, that is, a solemn transition from physical to moral one. Finally, raising children independently is becoming a trend. No monasteries, no nurses, no foreign families. It turns out that the child has needs and desires! ? This is the period of Rousseau’s theory of “natural education”.
Upbringing in 19-20th centuries
In the 19th and early 20th centuries, a child is finally a human being and a member of society, who is socialized from an early age and has their own will. Alleged individuality, apparently emotional. So, what to do with them? Let’s listen to ourselves, our heart will tell us, – thinks Spock. And the child? They don’t know what they want.
In the modern process of education, the child is considered a trustworthy sapiens, who cannot be abused. This is what we call natural parenting. About it – Jean Ledloff, Janusz Korczak, Maria Montessori and others.
Upbringing in 20-21th centuries
My generation is stuck in the elevator between the 20th and 21st floors: it’s kind of humans already, but you shouldn’t trust them. It’s as if they are already humans, but small and unable to grow: weak, defective. Do everything for them, and they won’t thank you. Teach them, it’s pointless. Elders are not respected, they never listen. Stupid.
How is it for me?
Instead of respect for the elders, I always had respect for the personality, the space of others (your freedom ends where the freedom of others begins, – my father taught me, and I learned) and a trembling fear of the next generations: they are even more fearless, more perfect, more reactive. Instead of respect for elders, I have respect for experience, different experiences, in particular my own (I paid dearly for it, and what you pay for from your own pocket – you appreciate), for wisdom that does not depend on age, gender, race and religious affiliation, but from personal spiritual growth.
If I give a seat to older people in the tram, it’s not out of respect and not because I was brought up that way, but out of empathy, because, most likely, it’s more difficult for them to stand than it is for me. If I argue with my own parents, it’s not out of contempt, but out of faith in them and a desire for unity, I want them to understand what I understand, I want them not to be stunted in their growth, because for me there are no children and old men, but only people who are growing or not; I want to share bread with them and divide it into equal pieces. A child of the 21st century probably already has feelings, but we are a stuck generation. Like a rolling pin in the ass.
How is it for my child?
So what will be the next step in the evolution of upbringing? I know my child is more evolved than I am and I look forward to the things he can teach me. I hope to “catch up” with what I missed in my own childhood, that is, I hope to learn together, as well as jump together in puddles. I’m honest with him, we have equal rights, he’s not my private property.
I’m afraid of not hearing him, of not being able to help him, I hope that he has enough freedom and finds himself – this is my maximum – I don’t know what could be more important – maybe the child will tell me. I think this is the next step: respect for the smaller ones. And there, maybe everyone will eventually rise to the status of a child, and not the other way around, and become equal in their inquisitiveness and interest in the world and each other, who knows, who knows.
Freud assumed that civilization as such began with the suppression of impulses. That is, we are still learning to control ourselves, besides, it seems that we are still only at the beginning of learning what a person is and what to do with it.
