Why We Don’t Think About Childbirth Until We Experience It Ourselves
Until you personally go through childbirth, you rarely show interest in someone else’s experience. The arrival of a new person in the family is perceived as something natural, without visible external changes. It seems like the new parents remain the same as before. But behind the scenes lies a completely different reality: the birth story, hormonal storms, changes in values, household chaos, and new conflicts.
Social Life After the Birth of a Child
“When are you going back to work?” people ask me three months after giving birth. Honestly — never. At least not in the same way as before, and quite possibly in a completely different field. “When can we have coffee?” — Better don’t text me again, okay?
Yes, you can be both family-oriented and socially active, but nothing will ever be the same again. And that’s not a reason to feel sad — it’s simply different now than it was before. The problem lies in a rigid society that sees you as unchanging, like bureaucracy itself, and keeps its expectations high: you must look perfect, meet friends for coffee, and feel fine when someone chats with the little resident of your baby carrier while you’re trying to focus on something else.
What am I getting at? I haven’t suddenly become strange — I’ve become a mother, and that’s not a curse. Please don’t ask me what my husband does for a living just because I’m with a child. Being a mother is only one side of me, and yes, this side has changed me completely, but it only means it should be considered before spontaneously inviting me for “coffee,” not canceling me like I’m contagious.
Yes, you can be a mom and remain socially active, but life won’t return to old patterns. This isn’t a tragedy — it’s just reality now. The real issue is that society often expects unchanged behavior from a mother, ignoring her new circumstances.
Stereotypes and Bias
When at an introduction you’re asked not about you but about what your husband does, it’s demeaning. Motherhood is just one facet of a person, but it changes everything. It’s important for others to acknowledge this rather than treating a mother like someone who can be “written off” because her priorities have shifted.
Motherhood as Full-Time Work
Motherhood is more work than any job. If you think that with the “mother” status, the only change in a woman’s life is the number of family members, you’re wrong. In reality, everything changes, and she is no longer the same person you knew before. Social ties aren’t broken because she’s become a mom and therefore “boring,” but because her priorities have changed — and unfortunately, you’re no longer one of them. But don’t be too quick to cross her off your list.
If you don’t want to lose face in a mother’s eyes and come across as an insensitive jerk, the best strategy is to treat her as if she’s just finished a night shift — or a long night out at a club. It may make it easier for you to empathize.
How Society Pushes Mothers Away
Society often pushes mothers away, especially in the workplace. Instead of respect and consideration for their new needs — as women raising future citizens — mothers are met with impatience, unfairness, and discrimination. Yes, she may need extra time to pump milk for her baby, and no, she’s not resting while doing it — she’s working.
We need a change in approach: a mother is not a person with special needs, but a phenomenon that requires attention, legal changes, and new social practices. Supporting mothers is an investment in a healthy society.
Mental Health and Social Support
A mother’s social life matters because it directly affects her mental well-being. Isolation, lack of understanding, and lack of support can lead to burnout and depression.
Examples of Initiatives
In July 2019, I organized a summer school for mothers, where we discussed support, motivation, and the implementation of our own business ideas. Such events help build a new culture of acceptance and mutual respect.
Motivation for Mothers: You Matter
Remember: being a mother does not mean losing yourself — it means becoming a new version of yourself. You may have less time now for coffee with friends or new projects, but that doesn’t mean you’ve stopped being interesting, talented, or strong. You create life, shape the values of future generations, and make contributions that can’t be measured by any KPI.
Don’t wait for someone else to acknowledge your importance — acknowledge it yourself. Seek out people who understand, support, and inspire you. Even one genuine conversation can change your day and remind you that you are more than just a status on your child’s birth certificate. You are the center of an entirely new universe.
Useful Links
- World Health Organization — Maternal Mental Health
- UNICEF — Parenting Support
- Postpartum Support International
- National Institute of Mental Health — Perinatal Depression
- Office on Women’s Health — Postpartum Depression
- American Psychological Association — The Transition to Parenthood
- Centers for Disease Control and Prevention — Maternal and Infant Health
